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P&O Cruises

MV Oceana

Your Rating:
Reviewed by: Elliott Francis
# previous cruises: 1
Date of Trip: August 16, 2004
Itinerary: Mediterranean

You should take this kind of holiday if you like your day to be controlled by people who know better than you. The 'Hi de Hi' holiday camp atmosphere was irritating, but worse was the constant attempts to separate you from your money. Whether it was overpriced drinks (almost the same as London city pubs), the Art Auction scam or the constant urging to have your picture taken, they never tired of giving you ways to spend your money!

On a cold and rainy day, there was not enough room for 2000 or so passengers to sit inside, unless they went to their cabins. There was a lack of quiet places to sit without being constantly hassled by drinks waiters and waitresses trying to sell you drinks (understandable, as sales commission made up half of their salaries). The pool area was really crowded on the first sunny day at sea, with sun beds being at a premium. There was no way you could be on your own, anywhere on this ship.

Good food, generally. You were assigned a table in one of the huge restaurants (the Adriatic or the Ligurian), and looked after by your own waiters (who you would tip at the end of the trip. As with the cabin stewards, tips make up 50% of their salary). Food here was good, if intricate. Alternatively, you could make a reservation for the Plaza (and pay a #4.50 per head surcharge): the food here was bizarre: for instance, fillet steak on a deep fried mushroom risotto cake, with a bacon and pickled silver skin onion sauce. Every day, there was an imaginative use of leftovers, especially in the Plaza's self service lunches where curries and cottage pies took care of last night's leftover meat. By the end of the trip we were suffering from eating too much, and started to cut down on the courses. Our resolve to reduce our intake of food was bolstered by looking at about half of the passengers, some of whom were the fattest people we have ever seen. This was a place for pigs to pig out, make no mistake!

It was a delight to get home after the cruise and be able to dry myself after a shower without having to step outside to do it.

The cabin was small but fine (you didn't get much for your money, we thought). The cabin stewardess was hardworking, very friendly and deserved the double tip we gave her.

We are not fans of the 1950s holiday camp entertainment, so consequently didn't bother with most of it. Our 9-year old son was in the kids' club, and had a great time. Trouble was, out of 2000 passengers, less than 20 were what was termed 'tweens' (9-12 age group). Top marks for the Youth Team for keeping this small group very happy.

We did a couple of half day tours ashore. The rest seemed such a rip off that we didn't bother with them. Going ashore as an 'independent' meant waiting for all those doing the official P&O tour to get off first. 'Independents' seemed to be frowned upon, as they were not following the P&O line. The excursions seemed most suited to septuagenarians.

One or two of our fellow passengers seemed OK, but most seemed to fall into these categories (largest first): (a) over 70 years old, (b) clinically obese, (c) in a wheelchair or (d) travelling with their parents . Would we invite them to dinner? No, we wouldn't be able to provide enough food.